Since this is the first post, I thought it would only be logical to explain the idea behind this online journal, why I am doing it and who I am. The who I am bit is a little daunting to explain in a nutshell so I may let all the upcoming posts gradually paint a picture and I’ll stick to mentioning just some basics.
I’m currently 23 years old (it is 2017) in my final year of grad school (studying child and youth care) and I did my undergrad in psychology. I’m into a lot of things, mainly photography, art and design, and business and I love combining my skills, my passions and the social issues that I am most concerned about. That is why the traditional job of a psychologist never really attracted me and I went towards NGO work and currently social enterprise work.
I have blogged for years (on this very site) since I started this blog when I was studying psychology and doing a bunch of volunteer work in Istanbul and I wanted a creative outlet to share what I was learning in a very self-help kind of way (Thank you to all the readers who enjoyed that blog). I grew, evolved, questioned a lot of things and found that those types of posts were limiting because they don’t match the complex and uncertain nature of humans and life (I can say that now in hindsight but at the time I found that I was censoring myself to write neat “5 steps” posts). I found that the more I dived in to examine the questions I had, the more there was to learn and discover. I learned an incredible amount about myself and through that open vulnerability, my perspective transformed.
Now, that transformation was grueling, it tipped my world on its axis, I felt lost and so confused at times and euphoric in others but it taught me so much about how to question, how to search, how to learn and most importantly how to reflect. It also taught me that I have just got a taste of a drop of water and there is an ocean of learning and growth that awaits me to seek it. So I began an effort to push myself to do just that and journaling is a useful tool to have on that journey.
What does that even mean?
I always thought journaling was like keeping a diary and writing what I experienced, and since I had nosy siblings, that never attracted me. I came across its true meaning in the midst of that rollercoaster of change when so many ideas, experiences, concepts, and conversations from different areas of my life would connect in my mind in a very hazy way and when I get frustrated with a foggy head and trying to push for clarity, I would resort to putting pen to paper and allowing the words that flow out to solidify those connections. This seemed very useful and it made me listen more closely when people I admire online spoke of keeping a reflective practice like journaling.
I am trying to be more present and mindful, to push myself outside my comfort zone and do things that make my heart just clench and my mind whisper over and over “there is no need for you to do that” or “you can’t”. So I journal to pay attention to thoughts, conversations, experiences, feelings and ideas and when I say journal, sometimes it means writing a page of text, sometimes a poem, and at other times a mind map, a sketch or a list.
On this online journal I will post some of those connected ideas in order to develop them further through conversations with you guys and to push myself (outside my comfort zone) and be open and honest about all that is human. So in conclusion, this journal will resist perfection, accept contradiction and contain multitudes.
I feel like you deserve some kind of reward for reading this so here is a brownie I made with my sister last night and photographed. Yay brownie points! (also, my first blog was a food blog.. so that’s another thing about me.. I love food!)