On Not Knowing

Just the idea of not knowing and that state of confusion makes my heart clench and my stomach do a back flip and wiggle. The funny thing is that not knowing is an escapable state because the moment I figure something out another thing is unclear. I suppose that that’s just the way life is; it is a path we are on that we need to actively explore and figure out.

It is very scary to face the uncertainty and struggle to figure something out so the obvious choice becomes to retreat to being comfortable with all the possible excuses and explanations running through my head as to how this will get resolved without me having to get a few muscle pulls in the process (yes, mental muscle pulls are a thing). It is so comfortable here doing every other possible thing that makes me feel like “I’m working on it” except actually struggling with it.

I’m gradually learning to find the courage to just leap outside my comfort zone and face the uncertainty head on. Maybe even dance in its face. I’m learning how to break it down into a manageable size by asking questions. Having to answer those questions makes it clearer and more definable. The basics are always:

  • What?
  • Why?
  • How?
  • When?
  • Where?

… and loop as needed. (Just ask them over again to their answers and so on)

Knowing when to push for more clarity and results is what I am trying to figure out now. When am I just thinking that I have a clear answer when it is just a surface solution to appease myself and get back in my comfort zone as quickly as possible and when is it an actual clear actionable answer?

If you have any idea then please let me know. For now, I’m working on clear actions done in short durations and bulking for increased focus. I’m loving the taste of experimentation and being a human Guinea pig.


This was written while searching for clearer answers and convincing another to join in the search. 

Disclaimer: Always learning… always evolving.. For life. x

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